New Day, New Beginnings. I Hope

No matter how many times I try to think about what I want to do with my future. Always I end up with GATE.

I always end with the conclusion that doing master from a prestigious college will be better for me. I do not want to do it though. I don’t know why.

I just can’t bring myself to do it. The thought alone of that seems very weak. I hate it with all my heart. I think I even made myself sick (quite litreally) just thinking about this. I think the best way to do this is to take it step by step and put my ego to the side. Starting today.

I WILL REACH 6 HOURS OF GATE BY THE END OF THIS MONTH.

Before I sleep I will construct a plan on how to do this. I will keep myself updated on what the plan is right here.

I am sure all of this will seem funny to the future me. I hope you are laughing at me now. Cause all that would indicate is how happy I am in the future.

I do not know how to process this. Me being weak. I hate it. That makes me want to reject it I think, and that is why I am not making any progress. FUCK. Maybe I am onto something here. Accepting weakness is the first step in getting better. I wonder if thats true.

I wonder if thats the only thing holding me back. I know its me, I just don’t know what or why.